A Soldier with a Troubled Mind
by SonYukiGoku'sSister
Summary: Shortly after Season 3, Conrad feels insecure of his actions and relates his feelings to Gunter... Father-son fic. Song: Sarah McLachlan's 'Ordinary Miracle'


A soldier with a troubled mind

Gunter almost wondered if he was dreaming when he saw Conrad brooding on the terrace steps near the garden.

_It isn't that unusual_

When the miscreant did not show up for tea, Gunter vaguely wondered what happened to his student. It was not like Lord Weller to miss afternoon tea, unless he was patrolling. Now there _his boy_ was sitting on a lonely terrace, staring out into the rain.

_When everything is beautiful_

Brown eyes flicked towards him briefly before staring back out into the rain. Gunter frowned, he had not seen this side of _the boy_ since he had left for Earth to deliver the soul of the new Maoh and that was twenty years ago.

_It's just another _

"Conrart?" he voiced. The younger man still did not greet him. It was as if he was hoping Gunter would leave him in his misery.

_Ordinary miracle today_

"Conrart," Gunter voiced again, "It may not be in my position, but I've known you long enough to know when you are troubled."

When he did not receive an answer, he quoted, "A soldier with a troubled mind-"

"-has no eyes in battle," Conrad finished, turning to glare at his teacher.

_The sky knows when it's time to snow_

Gunter took no notice, and laughed, "I taught you too well." He then reached out and proceeded to ruffle Conrad's hair.

_Don't need to teach a seed to grow_

"Continue and you're dead," Conrad warned.

"Threats don't work with me and you know it," said Gunter in a sing-song voice as he proceeded to annoy the younger man further by ruffling his hair. He had after all known _Conrart_ since the _boy_ was still in diaper.

_It's just another_

"Gunter!" Conrad protested, squirming out of his teacher's reach.

_Ordinary miracle today_

"See? You're feeling better already," said Gunter cheerfully. At Conrad's questioning glare, he answered, "You're not brooding any more."

_Life is like a gift, they say_

The younger man responded by folding his arms more tightly than before. "Is there anything that'll make you leave me alone?" Conrad growled.

_Wrapped up for you everyday_

"Tell me what's bothering you and we'll call it even," Gunter replied flippantly, a knowing smile never leaving his face. A brown eyebrow shot up, "For a moment there, you sounded like Yosak."

_Open up, and find a way_

"I spent too many years talking to you both," Gunter answered.

_To give some of your own  
_

Conrart snorted – this time with a little mirth. His teacher knew then he had broken the second defensive wall. "So, what's going on?" Gunter prodded gently as he leaned against a pillar opposite to Conrad, "I would have heard about it if anyone was giving you a hard time."

_Isn't it remarkable?_

The Commander of Shin Makoku's army sighed and leaned against the pillar as if debating with himself whether he should tell Gunter. "It's Geneus and Saralegui."

_Like everytime a raindrop falls_

Whatever answer Gunter was expecting, that was the among the last things on the list of things that bothered his student – unless it involved the King and his family. "What about them?"

_It's just another_

"I feel... I understand them a little, as if we are very similar," his student replied, sounding as if he was feeling stupid about it. Gunter frowned. "How so?"

_Ordinary miracle today_

Troubled brown eyes refused to meet his teacher's no nonsense lavender ones.

_The birds in winter have their fling  
__And always make it home by spring_

"When Yosak told me the we were the only survivors of Luttenberg," Conrad began, "I kept asking myself if it was worth it, fighting... for my honour I mean. All those men I led to death were fighting for honour as well, but honour does nothing for you once you're dead..."

_It's just another_

Gunter nodded. "Too true..."

_Ordinary miracle today_

"I feel I understand Geneus that way," Conrad continued, "fighting and never going anywhere. Suffering from a pain he cannot escape..." he faltered slightly, "I-I tried not to see it that way..."

_When you wake up everyday_

"I've noticed," Gunter assured, remembering Conrad's years at the academy. Knowing but couldn't do anything to ease his student's pain.

_Please don't throw your dreams away_

"And Saralegui," Conrad continued, "from what he told us of his childhood before Berias, I felt I was the same... only I had a mother; and a friend who was in a similar pair of shoes as I was."

_Hold them close to your heart_

There was a long pause then.

_'Cause we are all a part_

"What Saralegui did..." Conrad murmured, trying to resist from curling up and hiding his face in his knees, "It made me think about the time I made Heika sad.

_Of the ordinary miracle_

"And it made me wonder if I was shunned because people were trying to prove whether there really is a monster inside me..."

_It seems so exceptional  
__That things work out after all_

"All that hidden pain Geneus housed, the want to be reunited with a precious person," "I see a monster every time I look into a mirror. Especially when..." he paused, hesitant and remembering the nightmares in Dai Shimarron.

_It's just another_

He gulped forcing emotions down before quietly finishing, "Especially when I thought you died..."

_Ordinary miracle today_

Conrart looked up when he felt Gunter's hand on his shoulder. Gunter was not one for physical contacts – except for Yuri, Greta and Gisela.

_The sun comes out and shines so bright_

He had expected to find stern lavender eyes rather than soft and assuring with a matching smile.

_And disappears again at night_

"Conrart," said Gunter, more gently than he had ever done before, "you are nowhere near a monster." He paused for a moment, letting the younger man digest what he just said, "you may be reckless and hard headed at times, but you are very different from Geneus and Saralegui."

_It's just another_

"Don't doubt yourself of your decisions and don't bear the world on your shoulders," the older man continued, "You are the least selfish person I've met. Geneus was seeking freedom to do the impossible, where Saralegui felt so betrayed had little care to all around him thus manipulating them."

_Ordinary miracle today_

He he inhaled before continuing, "What you did was to protect your precious people, that makes all the difference."

Brown eyes almost filled with tears at those words. Gunter knew Conrad would not cry openly but he let it go. _His boy_ had always been strong. "Feh!" the _boy_ muttered, rubbing his eyes into his sleeves, "What's wrong with me?" Gunter just shrugged and smiled.

Conrad was smiling when he looked towards his teacher again. "Arigatou, Gunter..."

_It's just another... _

"What are teachers for?" Gunter asked, ruffling Conrad's hair again. This time Conrad laughed and indulged it.

_Ordinary miracle today_


End file.
